Oh help it's X Factor season again

Lock all doors and windows. Stay away from the magazine rack at the newsagent (of course being non conformist you would never go near it anyway). Don't even flick past ITV 1 on a Saturday evening. You may add yourself to the millions of mainstream types conforming to what Simon Cowell wants and watching THE X FACTOR
Saying this I did find myself curious as to who the finalists would be, so Clear Distortion took a little trip to the X Factor homepage. The whole thing was quite badly designed as the names of the poor souls having to be humiliated every Saturday were written in the same colour as the talktalk adverts in the background so they were quite hard to read. Clearly there have been budget cuts to ITV's marketing. Clear Distortion then investigated on Youtube, then decided that as in the future at least one of them will be poisoning the mainstream, some verdict should be decided on them before they become totally X Factorified.

The Girls (with Kelly Rowland. What happened to Destiny's Child???)

Misha B (apparently her surname is Bryan)

Has quite a good singing voice but will predictably be "the soul singing one" and will be paired with someone like Alexandra Burke if she gets that far. If she wins, I can already see the horrible David Guetta collabaration.

Sophie Habibis

Just a bit boring. Is giving the stink eye in the picture. Wouldn't like to meet her on a dark night.

Amelia Lily

 Her musical inspiration is Pink and her party trick is headbanging. Sorry Amelia but there is little difficulty to headbanging. Surely your party trick should be something a bit more skillful? Will probably be the "rocky" one judging by this, and her "alternative" looks and voice. Oh dear.

Janet Devlin

No. NO NO NO NO NO. WHY? WHY WHY? JANET DEVLIN IS ACTUALLY A GENUINELY TALENTED SINGER. WHAT IS SHE DOING? The fact is, Janet, that by taking part in this crap you are outruling any chances of anyone taking you seriously. Even if they don't commercialise and plasticise and mediaise and Xfactorify you, and you come out still being your amazing self, you will have no future on the music side where you belong. You could have been so fantastic. People like you break my heart.

Stay tuned for more on the X Factor and it's victims...